Sunrise
Every sunrise of my life seemed the same until the morning of August 18, 2016. My mom and I flew into Madison, Wisconsin the night before. Then my daughter’s birth mother invited us to the hospital to meet her. I paced in the waiting room for the hour or so that the C-section took. Then I met my daughter. Holding her for the first time, I looked out of the hospital to see the sun in the clear blue sky, the result of a perfect sunrise.
The Oxbow by Thomas Cole
Long before I had an iPhone, I tried to capture images on my disposable generic versions of Kodaks. In the 11th grade, I thought I was really on to something in photography class. Whether I developed the film myself or waited the one hour for the pharmacy to develop the roll, I was disappointed. The edges were too sharp or too soft. There was a person in the photo that I hadn’t noticed at the time. The tree had some debris stuck in it. Cole’s Oxbow is the painted version of the photos I took in my mind. Sun illuminates the valley and open sky on the right as rain clouds crowd the left. A river runs through the valley and there’s a tree in the fore, cracked and leaning, revealing that even in this perfect capture, not everything is pristine.
Vaccines
When you are a first-time mom, you don’t realize how much time you are going to spend in the doctor’s office with your perfectly healthy infant. Watching doctors and nurses prick that perfect newborn skin can be unsettling to say the least. I never questioned the value of vaccinating, but I never realized the pain I would feel watching my daughter’s discomfort with them. Once, a nurse told me that I could leave the room when Evelyn got her vaccines so that I wouldn’t have to witness them. I was horrified at the suggestion, and of course I stayed in the room and held my little baby. She was happy and gurgling and the moment she felt the needle she had a look of betrayal that of course triggered my mommy guilt and tears. But I was going to be there. This was part of the foundation I was laying for her to know that no matter what the world does to her, Mommy will always be here. Years later, the Covid lockdown stunted our social lives, and though Evelyn still hated them, it was vaccines that were the key to unlock the door to allow us to go out again.